We love Las Vegas for so many reasons. And not just because of it's lenient open-container laws and 24-hour buffets. It's more about that Vegas feeling. You know, that flutter in your stomach as your cab barrels down the strip, narrowly avoiding pedestrians? It's the feeling that ANYTHING can happen. Where else can you dance on the bar at Coyote Ugly, play blackjack with Nick Lachey and take a picture with a "little person" Elvis impersonator all in the same night? What other city in America would be so tolerant when you throw up in a casino trashcan after your fifth kamikaze shot? And where else can us thirty-somethings go to reclaim our youth by drinking with abandon and staying up all night? Las Vegas has a little somethin' somethin' for everyone.
And not to be cocky, but we consider ourselves to be "Vegas Experts." I guess that's what happens when you have a fake ID at eighteen and attend a college that's just a three-hour car ride away. Needless to say, we've had the best of times and the worst of times in Sin City. Just about anything that can happen, has happened to us in Vegas.
And although we are true believers that what happens in Vegas should by all means stay there, we thought we'd provide a few pointers for your next trip.
Liz & Lisa's Girlfriend's Guide To Vegas
IT'S TIME TO DOUBLE DOWN WHEN:
1. You and your boyfriend get two different offers for three-ways in the same weekend. And you choose not to focus on the fact that one woman had the body of a prepubescent boy and the other was so hammered she could barely stand.
2. A dashingly handsome British guy named Johnny sits next to you at the blackjack table and tells you that he thinks you’re 25. (And you promise to properly thank your boyfriend later for not correcting him!)
3. You listened to your psychic and confidently bet all your money on the number three. You not only win $1,000 but the entire table is begging you for your roulette recipe for success. You haven’t felt this good since twenty minutes ago when your blackjack table companion thought you were 25 (see #2).
4. The pit boss at Wild Bill’s upgrades your player’s card to “gold status” and offers you a comped night in the “penthouse” suite (on the 4th floor). And even though you’d rather spend the night sleeping on a pool chair at Circus Circus than so much as even stick your big toe inside the free room, you still feel like a “high roller.”
5. You take your pasty white complexion outside when it’s 110 degrees, lounge in the wade pool for hours and thank the Vegas gods when you don’t end up burning like the leathery skinned, There’s Something About Mary look-a-like next to you.
6. Your cab driver tells you that you’re the most entertaining passengers he’s had all night and you’re so caught up in his praise that you don’t mind that he’s missing four teeth and smells like a combination of tequila and pine air freshener!
IT'S TIME TO CASH IN YOUR CHIPS WHEN:
1. You're starting to feel right at home with all the crazy UFC fans and consider their invitation to cruise up to their suite at Imperial Palace for an impromptu "fight club".
2. You're shaking like a crackwhore after your tenth Red Bull and Grey Goose.
3. The drink lady at Hard Rock cut you off even after you tipped her $10 a drink. (see number #2)
4. You've smoked ten cigarettes despite the fact that you don't even know how to smoke. That's probably why you made a rookie mistake and accidentally burned a hole in the shirt of the drunk guy next to you at the blackjack table.
5. You don't blink an eye when you open your hotel room door and discover your neighbor passed out facedown in a hamburger in the hallway. In fact, you're so hungry that you consider taking a french fry off her plate.
6. You literally don't have any chips to cash in! That's when it's time to cash in your figuritive chips and say good bye to dear ol' Vegas. (Unless, of course, you have a really great cash advance plan on your Visa!)
xoxo, Liz & Lisa
I think the third wheel gets a bad rap.