Jen Lancaster's 5 Things I'd Tell the Teen Me

Happy 3rd Birthday to our perfect baby, Chick Lit Is Not Dead. Thank you for never keeping us up all night, never having a diaper blow out, for never going through those terrible twos--and most importantly, for never talking back! We love you. In the last three years, we've hosted over 150 authors, launched five features (number six revealed today!) and written two (almost three) books.

But today it's all about the number ONE.

One majuhly talented and funny as hell author who's on our site to help us celebrate...

You know that feeling when you see a young guy that's so hot you don't care that you're openly salivating like a cougar in heat?

Or when you bite into that rich, chocolate dessert that's so good you don't care that it's going straight to your ass?

Or when you cry just a little when Phillip Phillips makes it into American Idol's top 24. (Okay, maybe that's just Lisa.)

Well...

That's how we felt when this author not only said YES to our invitation to help us celebrate, but to launch our latest feature: 5 Things I'd Tell the Teen Me.

Jen. Effing. Lancaster

Need we say more?

Oh and just for shits and giggles, we also asked if she'd give away FIVE copies of her fabulous novel, If You Were Here (out in paperback March 6th). She said yes to that too. Y'all can thank us later. Just leave a comment and you'll be entered to win one of five copies. We'll randomly select the winners after 6pm PST on Sunday, March 4.

So we're not going to make you wait any longer because we're not dumb asses. We know you want to find out what Jen Lancaster has to say.

CHICK LIT IS NOT DEAD PRESENTS...JEN LANCASTER'S 5 THINGS I'D TELL THE TEEN ME

First, happy anniversary! Cheers to three great years of bringing chick lit authors and readers together!

I’m really excited to share the advice I’d give to a teenage me. This topic is at the very front of my mind as I’m in the middle of writing a novel called Here I Go Again which takes an in-depth look at the origin of high school mean girls. The central theme is how decisions we make in the past can impact us for years to come. (I realize this sounds uber-serious, so please note there’s also a time travel element and a tribute to David Coverdale of Whitesnake.)

Anyway, if I could offer a seventeen year old Jeni five bits of advice, I’d say the following:

1. Stop calling yourself “Jeni” and dotting the “i” with a sunflower. You sound like an asshole.

2. Okay, the first suggestion is pretty specific, so I’ll do six instead. Ahem, here goes… everyone is currently going through something. Yeah, maybe you know some girls who seem to have their shit together more than you. Maybe they’re thinner and more popular, maybe they’re dating the guy you wish you were with, maybe they have a designer bag for which you’d kill. Don’t waste your time envying them because you have no idea what happens behind the closed doors of their life. All is not what it seems. Maybe the skinny chick has an eating disorder. Maybe the girl with the hot boyfriend puts up with his abuse. Maybe the one with an awesome bag would rather have nothing if it meant her divorcing parents weren’t engaged in a possession-based arms race. Don’t let yourself be distracted by what anyone else has or what you believe you lack. You just worry about you. The grass is rarely greener.

3. Don’t be so wrapped up in looking cool. Follow the Tao of Snookie on Jersey Shore when she says, “You do you and I’ll do me.” (I assume this is more of a “to thine own self be true” aphorism and not something sexual.) (At least I hope.) Be who you want to be, not who everyone peer-pressures you to be. Individuality is cool. Following the pack for the sake of belonging isn’t.

4. You’re not fat. Seriously, you’ll never have the metabolism of a seventeen year old again. Appreciate what you have now, because trust me, your ass will never be this high again.

5. If you believe high school is the best time of your life, then you’re doing it wrong. “It gets better” should ring true for almost everyone. If it doesn’t resonate with you, then you’re probably your high school’s version of Regina George. Fix that shit immediately or you’re going to be the gal who peaked at seventeen and who everyone shuns at the reunion.

6. The harder you work now, the easier it will be when you get older. I coasted through high school, doing what was expected and not a lick more. Then in college, I did even less. Sure, eventually everything worked out for me, but not without having to move some major boulders in my thirties. I wish that I’d possessed awareness that my path would have been so much smoother if I’d buckled down when I was building a foundation.

Now if only I could travel back in time and tell my high school self these things…

Anyway, happy anniversary, thanks for having me, and rock on!

Thanks, Jen!

xoxo,

Liz & Lisa

If you're not already, you should be following Jen Lancaster's hilarious and refreshingly honest blog, Jennsylvania. And be on the look out for her upcoming book, Jeneration X: One Reluctant Adult's Attempt to Unarrest Her Arrested Development; Or, Why It's Never Too Late for Her Dumb Ass to Learn Why Froot Loops Are Not for Dinner.

Best books of 2011 by Lisa

Like Liz mentioned in her best books of 2011 post, we read a f*ckload of books this year. And deciding which books made our favorites list was almost harder than deciding which movie Ryan Gosling looked hottest in this year. (For the record, after careful consideration, I've decided on Crazy, Stupid Love.) And even though it has NOTHING to do with this post...

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming...

One more little thing before I get to my list o' books...what kind of end-of year post would this be without another AWESOME giveaway? (Liz gave away ten yesterday so of course I will too!)  Just leave a comment and you'll be entered to win a BUNDLE O' BOOKS that includes novels from Meg Mitchell Moore to Kristin Hannah to Jackie Collins to Meg Cabot!  Check out the picture below to see all TEN books the winner will receive. We'll choose the winners on Monday December 26th after 6pm PST.

So without further adieu, here's my list.  And don't forget to tell me what YOUR fave novels of 2011 were!

LISA'S TOP BOOKS OF 2011

1. The Arrivals by Meg Mitchell Moore You know that feeling you get when a book sucks you in so hard and so fast that you think about the story and the characters when you're not even reading it? That's what happened to me when I devoured Meg Mitchell Moore's debut novel. I found her book about what happens when all of the children come back home to their parent's house at the same time so engaging and powerful that it resonated with me long after I finished reading it. So much so, that I knew it would make this list long before I ever officially created it. The Arrivals makes the perfect gift for any book lover who likes to dive in and barely come up for air until she's reached the last page. (PS: It also has one of my favorite covers of the year.)

2.  A Year and Six Seconds: A Love Story by Isabel Gillies  When I wrote about Isabel Gillies just last month, I was crushing hard. Swooning. In love. All of the above. And let's just say, the crush has only deepened since. (I've re-read the book since writing that post and have to say it was even better the second time.) It's a beautifully written true story about the deep pain and loss of heartbreak and divorce and the deep resilience and sense of humor of love. Ladies, if you haven't yet read this memoir, treat yourself to a copy this Christmas.

3. The Violets of March by Sarah Jio  We named Sarah Jio our Lit IT Girl for a reason. I was so engrossed in this novel about riding a high for ten years and then having to start over that I could not put this debut novel down. And when I say couldn't put it down, that's not an exaggeration. I carried it with me everywhere and, at one point, was reading it while feeding my daughter. This novel makes a perfect gift for anyone who loves a good mystery and a good love story all rolled into one. (And BTW, Sarah Jio isn't done wowing us for 2011, she has a second fabulous novel, The Bungalow, coming out on December 27th. Yes, two in one year! Be looking for her 5 Loves and a Dud and, of course, a chance to win one of 5 copies of The Bungalow later this week!)

4. It's Hard Not to Hate You by Valerie Frankel   In a nutshell, I had a baby at the beginning of this year so I needed a damn good laugh (or a thousand million!).  And with this memoir, the hilarious Valerie Frankel may have just given me the best baby gift of all (sorry, Mom!) In a nutshell, after a health crisis and unlocking years of pent up rage, Frankel discovers that your Bitchy Twin might just be your funniest, most valuable and honest ally. One of the funniest books I read all year (and that's sayin' a lot because there a lot that had me laughing), there was no question this book was going to make my list. Put it in the stocking of anyone who needs a good, healthy LOL.

5. If You Were Here by Jen Lancaster  When one of my favorite authors of all time made her fiction debut, I felt like one of those crazy people that lines up for the latest Apple gadget or to try out for American Idol. I might as well have stayed up all night and slept in the rain on the sidewalk as I waited for this book to come out. And once I got my little mitts on it, I was over 'da moon (me and her million other fans!). It's a story that asks- can your marriage survive a DIY renovation? It follows Amish-zombie-teen- romance author Mia and her husband Mac (and their pets) as they go through the  funny-process of buying and renovating their first home in the Chicago suburbs that John Hughes’s movies made famous...and a lot more! The John Hughes references alone make this novel a must-read!

And one biography pic!

Y'all may not have known that, in addition to being a memoir whore, I'm also a biography whore!

Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson. In a word, fascinating.

xoxo,

Lisa

Jen Lancaster's 5 Do's and a Do-Over

There's a reason why the fabulous Jen Lancaster has a bazillon-million Facebook fans.  She. Rocks!  And we're as giddy as little schoolgirls at a Justin Bieber concert about the fact that she's sharing her Do's and a Do-Over today here at CLIND! Jen's bestselling memoirs are freakin' hilarious.  Now, with If You Were Here, she makes her fiction debut and we couldn't be happier about it.  In fact, when we discovered that If You Were Herehad more John Hughes's references than a VH1 special-we were SOLD.  Because nothing makes us happier than waxing nostalgic over the movies we grew up with.  And we gotta love anyone that, like us, drooled over Jake and that damn Porsche in the movie Sixteen Candles.  Too bad our "Jake Complex" led us to make some very unfortunate dating choices growing up!  But hey, we don't know about you, but there's still a spot for him and his Porsche on our short list. *wink wink*

And we loved If You Were Here-it's a fun read that will have you LOLing in every chapter!  A perfect pick-me-up after a long week!

If You Were Here follows Amish-zombie-teen- romance author Mia and her husband Mac (and their pets) through the alternately frustrating, exciting, terrifying-but always funny-process of buying and renovating their first home in the Chicago suburbs that John Hughes's movies made famous. Along their harrowing renovation journey, Mia and Mac get caught up in various wars with the homeowners' association, meet some less-than-friendly neighbors, and are joined by a hilarious cast of supporting characters, including a celebutard ex- landlady. As they struggle to adapt to their new surroundings- with Mac taking on the renovations himself- Mia and Mac will discover if their marriage is strong enough to survive months of DIY renovations.

Sounds fun, right?  We have FIVE copies to give away!  Just leave a comment and you'll be entered to win.  Doesn't get much easier than that, people.  We'll choose the winners on Friday May 6th after 6pm PST.  Good Luck!

CHICK LIT IS NOT DEAD PRESENTS...JEN LANCASTER'S 5 DO'S AND A DO-OVER

5 DO'S

1. Be prepared. No one will fight harder for what you want than you.  Doing your homework gives you the confidence to fight.  Take job hunting, for example.  When people are asked to come interview, most applicants read the employer’s website and can parrot back the company’s mission statement if asked.  But if you want this job, dig deeper.  Work harder than your competition.  Research the organization in-depth.  Read trade journals.  Gain some perspective on how this employer has the competitive advantage, or what they might need to improve it.  Become well-versed in how legislation/lobbyists are changing the corporate landscape.  Take inventory of your personal strengths and practice explaining how these skills dovetail into the organization’s very specific needs.  Yes, it’s a lot of extra effort.  But if you’re properly prepared, the employer will snap you up if for no reason other than to keep their competitors from hiring you.

2.  Be charming. The above only works if you can do it all with a genuine smile on your face.  Life is a lot like one of my favorite reality shows - Survivor.  Yeah, it’s important to excel at challenges and carry your own weight around camp, but ultimately positive social interactions win the game.  Boston Rob always goes far because he’s smart and he’s strong, but being funny and cute has been of equal importance.  (Maybe he hasn’t won the million yet, but his charm is what keeps CBS asking him back.)

3.  Embrace failure. Despite your best efforts to be both prepared and charming, bad things still happen.  Learn that failure doesn’t define you; recovering from failure does.  When I was laid off from my executive job, I thought my life was over.  Yet during my jobless tenure, I discovered that I didn’t actually like working a boring corporate desk job.  If I hadn’t failed at being an executive, I’d never have had the opportunity to pursue a more creative line of work.  To pass the long, empty days home alone, I wrote scathing blog posts about being unemployed, only to discover that the act of writing fueled me.  Documenting the story of my failure turned into writing Bitter Is the New Black and the rest is history.

4.  More Ferris, Less Cameron.  Ferris Bueller said it best – sometimes you need to take the day off.  Life does move pretty fast sometimes, and if you don’t, say, steal your dad’s vintage Ferrari to cruise around the city on occasion, you might miss it.  Goof off once in a while.  Spend a long, leisurely afternoon with Real Housewives on the TiVo and some Ben & Jerry’s.  You might be surprised at how productive you’ll be if you allow yourself a minute to recharge your batteries.

5.  Charlie Sheen is not #winning.  Ever. Despite Sheen’s deplorable behavior, there are still women out there – clever, confident, capable women – who honestly believe they can change him.  And yet his string of unhappy ex-wives and girlfriends begs to differ.  Sure, it’s always exhilarating to date the Charlies of the world, but ultimately the stress of loving a bad boy is going to break your heart and make you wrinkle prematurely.  A nice guy will give you a happily ever after whereas a bad boy will make a few unhappy months feel like an eternity.  Choose wisely – there’s only so much Botox can fix.

THE DO-OVER

Do not do it yourself. You know how your hairdresser makes a simple bang-trim look effortless?  Like, so easy that anyone could do it?  Including yourself?  And so you tried?  And had to wear a hat for a month?  You see, your stylist is a trained professional and she cuts bangs all day, every day, for fifty-plus weeks a year.  You cannot replicate this.  Do not try.  A while ago, my husband and I took this lesson to heart, only instead of cutting our own hair, we wanted to rehab a house after watching HGTV.  We rationalized, “Hey!  That’s not so hard!  We could rehab a house!  And I could write a memoir about it!”  And then I remembered the last time I cut my own bangs and those were the longest eight weeks of my life, so we didn’t buy the fixer-upper.  Instead, I let my character Mia give home renovations a whirl in my novel If You Were Here.  And when the first toilet came crashing through the ceiling in her office, I bet Mia wished she’d heeded my advice.  Leave it to the professionals.  You’ll thank me later.

To read more about the hilarious Jen Lancaster, head on over to her website or find her on Twitter and Facebook!

Thanks Jen!  xoxo, Liz & Lisa