That's right bitches. I only have time to watch two shows these days. And one of them is Survivor.
I could blame my husband. I was ready to quit after the first All Stars, sick of Jeff Probst's smug commentary as contestants heaved their starving bodies over some poorly constructed wall to grab keys or puzzle pieces or whatever. I mean, I can't even think straight if I skip Starbucks in the morning and feel uncomfortable if I'm wearing jeans that are too low-waisted. And these people are supposed to solve a complicated puzzle in their underwear while a well-fed Jeff Probst clamors on about how awful they're performing the entire time? I secretly removed it from the DVR season pass and prayed Mike wouldn't notice next season.
But he did.
So there we were again, watching people scared shitless when left stranded at something called Redemption Island. And the next season, again. And again. Each time I tried to rebel, tried to read a book or fold laundry or wax my lip, do ANYTHING not to watch that first episode. But sure enough, it would suck me in, and soon I'd be hotly debating whether or not Russell was a hero or a villian and wondering why people can't figure out that when you start calling yourself the the leader or the swing vote, your days are numbered. Haven't they watched this at home? JUST LAY LOW PEOPLE!
And this season, Blood vs Water. They've brought back former players in addition to one of their loved ones and pitted them against each other. Two brothers with a rocky past. Two kick ass moms who are in better shape than their twenty something daughters. That creepy long haired guy in his underwear that freaked me out the first time he was on. And as always, Jeff with his khakis and smug ass smile. (Damn him!)
Each week I find myself, sitting on the bed, yelling to Aras that the creepy underwear guy has it out for him, that he needs to stop running off and meditating and start playing the effing game. I'm angry at the ex-pro football player who gives off the douchiest vibe EVEH. And I mute the TV whenever his wife Monica incessantly goes on and on about something. And I even shed a single tear when Kat bawled her eyes out, convinced that the boyfriend that she was leaving there (Hayden from Big Brother, another terrible show I'm addicted to...) was going to dump her for getting voted off. (The relationship sounds very solid, no?)
So, yes, I watch Survivor. And damnit, you should too. (Please! I need someone to talk with me about it!)
What show are you still holding on to? Project Runway? Grey's Anatomy? #makemefeelbetter