Writing Wednesday: Divine Diversions by Liz

I'm in a slump.  A writing slump.  After working like crazy on the The D Word and then battling our way through the query process I find myself a bit, um, unmotivated while we wait patiently for our dream agent to realize that we're the next big thing in publishing. So rather than pitching articles and brainstorming ideas in my spare time, I've been Facebooking with reckless abandon.  And RTing my face off on Twitter. And I even downloaded that Oprah tell-all biography to my Nook last week.  It was clear- I had officially hit my diversion rock bottom.

So when it came time to write about writing, I was perplexed.  Because besides this blog and a few other things, I haven't been doing much writing at all this past month. (Unless you count Facebook status updates. I've been killing it over there!)  I picked up my trusty journal, dusted it off and opened it up to find only empty pages.  Where, oh where, had my inspiration gone?

So I did what any self-respecting blogger does in this situation.  I decided to write about why I'm not writing. My editing downfall.  My own version of internet crack.

Facebook.

Since spending so much time over on "The Book"(that's what I like to call it), I've noticed a few things.  Or rather, a few types of Facebookers that make me shake my head, LOL, LMAO, ROTF or hit the "Hide" button.  Have you seen these people? Are YOU one of these people?  It's okay if you are.  As a self-proclaimed Facebook whore, I'll be friends with ya anyway.

1. The Facebook Bulimic

It's all or nothing for this person.  You won't hear a peep from them for two months and then BAM! They throw up all over your page, your pics and your status, then disappear as quickly as they came- not to be heard from until their next purge.  A "like" or even a "ha!" in between would go a long way. Consistency please!

2. The Embarrasser

I personally think there's a little bit of this one in all of us.  I've posted my fair share of junior prom and GNO gone wrong pics.  But there are some people that won't rest until every single picture from the 80's and 90's has been posted and tagged.  Until every bad fashion decision and aqua-net inspired hairstyle has been revealed. How many times do I have to defend my pre-tweezed eyebrows?  For the last time, I was going for that whole Brooke Shields look!

3. The Debbie Downer

I felt real bad the first time your kids got sick.  And it really sucked when you got that flat tire.  And when your flight was delayed I still was hoping you were just having a run of bad luck.  But when it never ended I realized you were Debbie Downer: Facebook edition and hit the "hide" button faster than you could say Farmville.

4. The Politician

Left, right or in the middle, I don't want to talk politics on FB. I'm just there to check out if my exes moved on with someone hotter than me, not to watch "Meet the Press".  And the ensuing political comment battles that go on?  Ugh. I'd rather be subjected to a million Mafia Wars posts. And that's saying a lot. Can't we all just get along?

5. The Non-Responder

I'm sad to say that my husband falls squarely into this category.  In fact, maybe I even over-Facebook in a misguided attempt to make up for his non-responsiveness.  Tag him in a old picture back when he had a mullet?  Never gonna say a thing.  Write a sweet nothing on his wall?  It will forever sit there untouched.  Give him a poke?  Nada.  Nothing.  Well, in Facebookland anyway.  It goes over much better in person at home. =)

What divine diversions do you indulge in? Leave a comment to be entered to win one of three copies of Chelsea Handler's latest, CHELSEA CHELSEA BANG BANG!

xoxo, Liz

Extreme Makeover: Chick Lit Is Not Dead Edition

We are SO excited to be celebrating our ONE YEAR anniversary here at Chick Lit is not Dead.

*clinks champagne glasses together*

It seems like just yesterday that Liz was writing about the State Of The Union and Lisa was proclaiming her Facebook Whoreness to the world. From Xoxo to Potty Peril to Should You Friend Your Ex on Facebook?, we're so thankful that you've been with us for every blog post along the way. THANK YOU!

And what better way to celebrate than to give ourselves a complete MAKEOVER?  A little nip here, a tuck there and CLIND feels like a whole new site!

Huge props to the very talented Betsy Cohen at Positive Element and Debbie Friedrich at Debbie Friedrich Photography for helping us get ready for our close-up. (Be sure to click through all our pages to see her beautiful photos!) And, as always, we are indebted to the fabulous and talented Crystal Patriarche at BookSparksPR, the best publicist we could ever ask for!

And it's not just our look that's changed.  This year, we'll be stepping up our game, not only by bringing you more interviews with Bestselling Authors, but we also hope to keep you laughing with new features. Like...

Mommy Mondays Writing about the trials and tribulations of parenting, Liz will do her best impersonation of a Mommy blogger. (Don't worry, she'll do her best to avoid any and all "poopy" references.)

Writing Wednesdays Come with us on our journey to finding an agent and publisher for our second novel. We'll simultaneously overload you with our borderline obsession with affirmations and the power of positive thinking (It. Will. Happen. It. Will. Happen. It. Will. Happen.)

Watch this, not that We'll be sure to let you know what's worth Tivoing that week. (For example: we'll watch 650 pound Virgin so you don't have to!)

But don't worry, we'll still have plenty of time to do what we do best-make lists about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.

And to celebrate, we're giving away a BLACKBERRY PEARL flip phone.  All you have to do is leave a comment letting us know what you think of our new look and you could be a winner. No pressure, but you better LOVE. IT! And if you want to post a link to let your Facebook friends or tweeps know about our new look, we'd be eternally grateful! =)

Thank you again for all of your love and support this past year.  We're having a blast and we hope you are too!

xoxo,

Liz & Lisa

A DIRTY MARTINI WITH A SIDE OF FACEBOOK By Lisa

I guess you could say my "signature cocktail" is a slightly dirty Grey Goose martini with extra olives. Made right, it can make you swoon with delight as you savor the taste of the perfect blend of vodka and olive juice in your mouth. So, at a party over the weekend I thought to myself, "What better to pair with my favorite drink than my favorite conversation topic--Facebook?" I've obviously made no secret that I'm a total Facebook whore who's now made a hobby out of collecting friends. My latest offense was just yesterday when I was sent a friend request by someone I'd never met and with whom I had no mutual friends. An automatic "ignore" for most, but not for me. Instead of rejecting this prospective friend, I made an inquiry. Had this man from South Africa meant to friend me? It turns out, he hadn't. He was looking for another person with the same name.

You might be thinking, "Yeah, right, like there's another Lisa Steinke out there that he meant to friend?  Please. This guy probably just wanted to get in your pants!" (Well at least that's what my boyfriend would say!) Well, it turns out that there is in fact another Lisa Steinke out there. She lives in the Midwest and I happen to already be friends with her. A few weeks ago, I thought it would be funny to friend someone of the same name. Since it's always about the status report, I could see it in my mind...Lisa Steinke is now friends with Lisa Steinke.

Well apparently the other Lisa Steinke liked the idea because she swiftly accepted me and even beat me to the punch with her own status report. I was curious now that I knew we shared a name and a sense of humor. Did we have more in common? I went to her page to find out. I discovered that she belonged to a group called, "You Know You're In The Steinke Family When..."

Oh, how exciting, I thought. I wonder if other Steinke families are like mine.

But after reading the first point, "You can't leave a family reunion without hugging and kissing everyone twice", I laughed. It wasn't an LOL situation like many of you are so fond of. It was more of an outward chuckle--more of a COL, if you will. In MY Steinke family, we're lucky if we even smile at each other when we accidentally pass on the street! And we certainly would never have a,*cough*, family reunion.

But I really digress.... So, back to the man in South Africa. Even after discovering he wasn't intending to friend me, I friended him anyway. Afterall, I didn't have any friends on that continent yet.

And these are the stories I was thinking of as the conversation at the party inevitably turned to Facebook. There was an article in last week's Time Magazine about how the boomers are all over Facebook. Damn right! Although not a boomer myself, I'm certainly no spring chicken. I'm rounding the corner to 36 so of course I'm going to defend the "older" folk who want to be part of a social network. There's plenty of room for everyone- even you Mom- I'm waiting!

So, when a 49-year-old woman began to tell me a story about Facebook, my ears perked up. I took a sip of my glorious martini and gave her my undivided attention.  She explained that recently some of her high school classmates had found her. She didn't understand why, after thirty years, they now wanted to see what she was "up to"... In fact, she wrote each of them a note that said if they were REALLY interested in forming a connection with her, they could call her on the phone. What a novel concept.

I was surprised to hear that 3 out of the 4 classmates did in fact call. I stood there in shock and took a bite out of my olive. I certainly wouldn't have called had I been one of those classmates and I told this woman as much. I said, "I have to be honest, that although I respect your position, I feel the complete opposite. I enjoy getting notes from former classmates and people I haven't seen in two decades... but would NEVER want to hear their voices!"  That would just be taking it entirely too far.

I knew I sounded like an a-hole, but it was the truth. The best part of Facebook is the fact that you can keep up with people without having to write more than a sentence or two on their wall. It doesn't mean I don't give a sh** about them, it just means I give more of a sh** about my own time.

Throughout the night, I heard myself saying to the other partygoers, "I'll be sure to tag you in that photo" and "I'm going to friend you tomorrow!" Sentences I would never have put together before I lost my Facebook virginity three months ago. Sentences that are completely part of my vernacular now.

The day after the party as I was uploading the photos to Facebook, I thought about the woman who told me the stories about her high school classmates. Suddenly, I desperately wanted to be her Facebook friend. Not only because she clearly played hard to get, but because I liked her style. She wasn't going to accept just anyone. If I could get into her exclusive club of friends, I would be cool. So, I sent her a message and told her how nice it was talking with her and getting to know her and I left it at that. (Honestly, I promise you that, a-hole or not, I really did like her and meant what I wrote). A few hours later, that little red notification symbol popped up and, wah lah, a friend request!

The perfect martini coupled with a new Facebook friend.

That, my Facebook and non-Facebook friends, is what I call a successful night.

FACEBOOK REJECTION CONFESSION BY LIZ

I was laughing last week as Lisa came out of the closet, proclaiming herself a Facebook whore.  Was it only three months ago that I was begging her to join? I fondly remember my first few days on Facebook last July.  The randomness of  being able to friend your mom, your boss, the guy who took your virginity all at the same time held a lot of appeal to me.

At first I was a bit shy.  I would troll around in cyberspace for hours, wishing my exes didn't have such common names so they'd be easier to find.  Why hadn't I dated less Smiths and Jones?

But once I did find these people, I was happy to see that they were  just as curious to find out what I'd been up to for the past 10-20 years.  They were probably dying to know if I'd finally figured out how to use a tweezers and a straightening iron. (FYI, I did, but only after a intervention by my friend Heather.)

As my friend list grew, I became drunk with the power of finding every ghost of my past.  I began to friend with abandon, adding everyone from from my  high school nemesis to a fellow mom at my kid's preschool. I was unstoppable!

Until I found Gappy McGapperson.(Not his real name, obviously.)

I met Gappy my junior year of college.  Let me make one thing clear, just in case his name doesn't do him justice. He was not cute. At all.  He was a  Kurt Cobain wannabe with a huge gap between his front teeth and helmet hair.

But he'd transferred in from another school and immediately started dating a very cute girl. So everyone thought he was hotter than he really was. Then he dogged that cute girl. Real bad.  And the rest is history.  I had to have this gap-toothed asshole for my own.

Like a lot of us, I had a secret fantasy that I would one day tame a "bad boy".  That although no other woman had been able to break him of his drunken, tardy(I'm so anal about time that I consider this bad boy behavior), dogging ways before me.  I had visions of people toasting about it at our wedding...I would become a legend to insecure woman with daddy issues all around the world!

And this secret fantasy led me to date the biggest jackasses on earth until I finally realized that it's okay to let yourself love a nice guy.  They make great husbands!

Anyway, I digress.  So long story short, I dated Gappy for a New York minute.  We had big plans to attend my sorority formal the week after spring break.  Formal was the place I was going to show him that I was the girl that would change his life forever! But my dreams were crushed when he proceeded to mack on at least ten other girls in Mexico on Spring Break.  In front of all my friends.  With some of my friends!

Needless to say, that was the end for Gappy and me.  The toast at our wedding just wasn't in the cards now, even if he did beg for me back and  pledge his undying love.  I was hurt, humiliated and frustrated with myself for letting the fact that he was a "bad boy" make me forget how gross he was.

Fast forward to last month.  I'm cruising Facebook while watching Grey's Anatomy and decide I have time to peruse the millions of  pages from my college graduating class.  It had been a while since I'd made a great Facebook "find" and I was anxious to discover someone interesting from my past.

And there he was!  Gappy McGapperson.

Okay, so I know what you're all thinking.  OF COURSE I want him to take a look at my profile and feel regret that he let me slip away.  That if  he had just been patient and pointed me in the direction of Weight Watchers and a good hair stylist, we could've really had something.  I wanted him to see my incredibly tall, handsome husband,(Gappy wasn't too tall and I think we've established he had a dog-face.) and beautiful children and say, "Damn! She could've been mine!"

So, without having tasted Facebook rejection yet, I confidently hit the "Add Friend" button and wrote a short note. Something like. "OMG, hey Gappy!  It's Liz!  How the hell are you!"

And then I waited.

And waited.

AND WAITED SOME MORE...

After a couple of weeks, I dropped back in on Gappy to see what was going on and saw that I had been REJECTED!  That's right.  The friend request was gone, I had been ignored.

Basically, Facebook's version of the middle finger.

Really Gappy? Really?  You're not even a wee bit curious what I've been up to?  If you would just add me as a friend you would see that the tables are turned. Now I'm too good for you!

And I'm not gonna lie.  The rejection stung.  All of a sudden it was 1995 all over again when my roommates sat me down and detailed Gappy's extracurricular activities in San Felipe.  And then all the scrambling I had to do the next week to find a formal date that hadn't publicly humiliated me. (Much harder to do than you might think!)

So I've been a bit shy on the Facebook trigger since then.  I've found another "bad boy" from the past but I'm just going to have to wait it out for him to friend me and discover I was the best thing that almost happened to him.

*big sigh*