JERSEY SHORE

Why I watch...The Bachelor Pad by Lisa

What's not to love about bad TV? Especially bad reality TV. It's entertaining, mind numbing (oh so mind numbing!) and becoming a spectator sport that could rival any ancient Roman gladiator fight. (Have you seen Jersey Shore?) And with so much bad TV out there, we though we'd start defending why we choose to use what little time we have to watch something so ridiculously shitty. So, of course, Bachelor Pad was first on my list!

For those of you not familiar (c'mon you can't just say no to this show) Bachelor Pad is a mansion full of former Bachelor and Bachelorette contestants who didn't get enough the first time and have returned to manipulate, back stab and even make out with each other in an attempt to win a grand prize of 250,000. It's kind of a Survivor meets Big Brother with some rose ceremonies thrown in.

Still need more convincing before you tune in?

Well lucky you! Because here's not one but five reasons why I watch (and think you should too):

1. The Dramz. This season, the Pad is full of tears, confrontations and lots of ex-fiances. There was Jake (the former Bachelor) vs. Vienna (his ex-fiance). (Boo hoo. Poor Jake was just voted off). Then there's Vienna's new main squeeze, Kasey, a.k.a. Mr. Guard and Protect Your Heart (he tatooed a crest on his wrist for Bachelorette, Ali and shockingly didn't get picked.) who thinks he's the Godfather of the group. And don't forget Holly who has the hots for Blake even though her former fiance' Michael is in the other room crying because she broke his heart. And of course there's gorgeous but crazy Michelle (who competed for Bachelor Brad's affection) who doesn't seem so crazy anymore when you compare her to crazy ass Melissa (just voted off). Mix in a few other crazies, a mansion, a lot of alcohol and a hot tub (you just don't have a good, solid reality show without one!) and you've got a recipe for a delicious guilty pleasure.

2. The Power Couples. Why tune in to Cspan when you can watch these guys strategize like they're planning a covert military operation. Never mind that they've got the collective brainpower of a family of fleas.

3. The Hot Bods. Hey call me a cougar, but there are some hotties running around. Male and female! In my defense, I don't get out much these days....

4. Chris Harrison. The host. He has the best job in television. He earns a paycheck for occasionally reeling off some rules, reminding everyone when it's the final rose (because they can't see it sitting there on the table) and of course whenever he sees the most dramatic moment in Bachelor Pad history.

5. You'll feel better (about yourself) after. 'Nuff said.

xoxo,

Lisa

Sarah Dessen's 5 Do's and a Do-Over

In case you haven't noticed, May has been a HUGE month for great books. (Which is appropriate considering it's also International Chick Lit Month-head on over to that site if you haven't already for tons of giveaways!)  So it's understandable that we are crushin' on a TON of writers right now! One of them is the wonderfully fantastic NYT bestselling author Sarah Dessen-her latest novel What Happened to Goodbye(her first in two years!) just came out and we have a feeling it's going to shoot up the bestseller list faster than Lindsay Lohan's next stint in jail.  We LOVED it and have a feeling that y'all will too.  It's the kind of YA that us old people(ie people over 18) like too!  And the fact that she's a fellow Fanilow and reality TV addict?  Totally. Awesome.

In What Happened to Goodbye, Dessen tells the story of Mclean, a high school senior who has taken up the practice of assuming a new identity in each of the four towns she's lived in since her parents' bitter divorce. Living with her Dad and estranged from her mother and her mother's new family, McLean has followed her dad in leaving the unhappy past behind. And each new place gives her a chance to try out a new persona: from cheerleader to drama diva. But now, for the first time, McLean discovers a desire to stay in one place and just be herself, whoever that is. Perhaps Dave, the guy next door, can help her find out.

Want to win a copy for yourself? Then just leave a comment and be entered to win!  So freakin' easy, right?  We'll choose the winners on Monday May 16th after 6pm PST.  Good luck!

CHICK LIT IS NOT DEAD PRESENTS...SARAH DESSEN'S 5 DO'S AND A DO-OVER

"When I first got this assignment, I immediately went all neurotic. (This isn’t hard for me, as my default setting is partially neurotic.) Five Dos and One do-over sounds simple, but I am more full of things I wish I hadn’t done than those that I have. Maybe this is because I am so neurotic?

Anyway. Despite my issues, I love a challenge. So here we go…" - Sarah Dessen

 

DO'S

1.  DO trust your gut. While I often waffle with indecisiveness about everything from what to eat for breakfast to which shoes to wear, when it comes to the Big Stuff I’ve learned to listen hard to that one, true inner voice. When I was eighteen, I was a hot mess in so many ways. High school was not a good time for me, which is probably why I’m still writing about it. All I wanted was to get out of my hometown as fast as possible, so I accepted the first college admission I received and headed off to a state school forty-five minutes away, where I promptly decided to be an advertising major. Within a week or two, I knew I’d made a mistake. I was miserable, hated my classes, and yet I knew that leaving would signal the biggest failure of my life. (It’s bad enough to drop out of college, worse when your parents are academics. The shame! I can still taste it.) In the end, though, I decided that admitting I’d made the wrong choice was better than wasting a year of my life, so I returned home. There, my parents insisted I sign up for a class at the local university. I’d always liked to write, so I picked creative writing. From the moment I sat down in that class, that first day, and looked at my professor, Doris Betts, I knew I was in the right place. Finally. It just took a detour---and being quiet---to realize it.

2. If you really want something and fail the first time getting it, DO try again, even if it scares you. This is a huge one for me. A few years ago, after much thought, my husband and I decided to try for a baby. Like most people who had spent a bulk of their lives worrying about preventing pregnancy, I figured this would require very little effort on my part. I was wrong. A year later, we’d had no luck, and I started making the rounds of specialists. Eventually, I got a little help from a fertility drug and got the little plus sign on the stick. Success! I was so happy, I immediately told all my friends and family and began making preparations. At eight weeks, I went for my first ultrasound. I peered at the screen, so excited but there was…nothing. The pregnancy hadn’t progressed past the first couple of weeks. I was devastated. It seemed so unfair to try to hard for something and finally get it, only to immediately have it slip away. It was almost embarrassing, although I know that doesn’t make sense. Anyway, I swore I wasn’t going to try again, that I didn’t have the strength for another disappointment. But then, as the weeks passed, I couldn’t shake this image of me with a baby in my arms. I wanted it so much, enough to---just barely, sometimes---outweigh the fear. Two months later I got pregnant again. And while it often felt like I was holding my breath the entire nine months, the day my daughter was born was hands-down my happiest. I cannot imagine my life without her, and I’m grateful every day that I faced down everything that scared me to get her here.

3.  DO have boundaries. Although my parents are from New York and Baltimore, respectively, I was raised in the South. Somehow---although clearly not genetically---I ended up with the Disease to Please that is very common around these parts. You know the symptoms, even if you are from the Arctic Circle: you have trouble saying no, want everyone to like you, and thus often resemble a doormat. This wasn’t a huge problem for me until my late twenties, when I began teaching undergraduates at my alma mater. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my students. But I needed to be an authority figure, not a friend, something I figured out too late once they started interrupting me in class, handing in everything late, and sobbing on my office couch about their boyfriend problems. When it comes to teaching, you can come in hard and then soften up, but if you start soft, you never recover. It look me a few semesters---and a few verbal smack downs---to realize this, but once I did, I think we were all better off. I will admit, though, that even at age forty (gulp!) this is one I still struggle with. It is one thing to draw a clear line between myself and a class full of students, another to do it with friends, family and work colleagues. Each time I waffle, however, I think of the chaos of my classroom that first semester and know the alternative is much, much worse.

4.  DO take pride in the things you love. I’ve spent a lot of my life---or maybe it just seems that way---feeling like I have to justify my various guilty pleasures. One example: television. I love it. I have a weakness not only for really good shows, like Friday Night Lights, Modern Family and 30 Rock, but also for morning TV (I’m a Good Morning America junkie) and just about every franchise of the Real Housewives on Bravo. And don’t even get me started on America’s Next Top Model and Jersey Shore. (Really: I could go on for DAYS.) For a long time, I felt like I had to keep all of this quiet, since Real Writers and Serious People only watch PBS, if they even have a TV at all. They are certainly not on the treadmill, talking back to some woman in Orange County who is all blinged out, driving her Range Rover. But what I have learned, over time, is that life is short. If something makes you happy, don’t question it: just be glad it’s there and soak it up. This same thinking allowed me to finally expose my iTunes music library, which I had always hidden from my music hipster friends when they came over. “Is that Barry Manilow?” they say, and while I used to die a little inside, now I proudly nod and crank up “I Write the Songs” even louder. We can’t all like the same things. How boring would that be? So give me my Housewives and Barry, and you can have Masterpiece Theatre and Bright Eyes. Everyone wins!

5.  DO embrace your flaws. For years now, I’ve been embarrassed about my teeth, which are slightly crooked. They’re not awful, but not perfect like most of my friends who, unlike me, had braces. For years, I was so self conscious that I never showed my teeth when I smiled, opting instead for a close-mouthed look that always made me look both smirky and like the Hamburgler. It was worse than my crooked teeth, not that I was willing to admit this. In fact, it took my officemate at UNC, Phyllis, a straight-shooter from West Virginia, to set me straight. After a photographer came to take my picture for a campus magazine, she shook her finger at me. “Smile!” she said. “Really smile! You look so much better when you do!” I did not want to believe her, but she insisted, even taking some shots of her own when I wasn’t posing to try and prove her point. My insecurity about my teeth persisted, though, to the point that I even went for consultations about getting adult braces. But when they pushed the paperwork at me, all I could think of was Phyllis, who by then had passed from breast cancer. The last time I’d seen her, she pointed at me with that same finger and said, “You keep smiling.” So I do. With my mouth open, crooked teeth out there for the world to see. Do I love them? No. But they are part of me, and will stay just as they are.

DO-OVER

Whew! Okay, that wasn’t so hard. Now for the Do-over. I have a lot to choose from, but top of my list is this: I wish I’d traveled more. I’ve always been a homebody---I still live in my hometown---and for years I was afraid to fly, which limited where I could go even when I did get up the nerve or money to leave. But I wish, WISH I had done study abroad when I was in college, backpacked across Europe, or drove across the country with my girlfriends. I wasted so much time being afraid of anything other than what I knew! It makes me crazy.

I know, I know. I can still do all of that, and most likely I will, when my daughter is older. But I’m a mom now, I have a career, a mortgage, responsibilities. I missed that window when all I needed was a passport, a duffle bag and courage. If I could go back, I’d shake my finger at myself just like Phyllis, insisting I go to Italy, Rome, Greece, see all the places I’ve only visited in movies and books. Maybe I’m able to say that because I am older, and have forty years behind me now. But I believe that given the chance, I’d take that other path, the one that led over an ocean to somewhere far, far away. At least, I like to think so.

Want to read more about Sarah?  Then head on over to her website or find her on Facebook and Twitter.

Thanks Sarah! xoxo, L&L

How to be Zen in 2010 by Liz & Lisa

staten-island-new-year32010? Really? How did another decade pass so quickly? It seems like just yesterday that we were LOLing over Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction at the Superbowl and shaking our own heads full of hair when Britney Spears shaved hers. Do we even need to bring up that fake British accent?

When the clock struck midnight on New Year's Eve last week, Lisa grabbed her iPhone and kept up our yearly tradition of ringing in the first minutes of the new year, no matter how far we may be from each other.  And after a few awkward moments of slurred screaming, Liz drunkenly declared that 2010 was going to be OUR year.

The year we land an awesome agent!

The year that we get our just-finished manuscript published!

The year we TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

Okay, so forget that last one.  It was probably the Champagne talking.  But the other ones?   So. Happening.

So being the Type-A bitches that we are, we decided to set up some serious resolutions to make sure our dreams come true in 2010.

LIZ'S RESOLUTIONS

I couldn't WAIT to say sayonara to 2009.  Between my brother's brush with death to the stress of trying to finish our manuscript, it was a crazy year!  I woke up January 1st with a feeling of peace (and not just because I was still buzzed from my bellinis!) and a feeling that 2010 will be the year that we attain our goals.  Here  are the things I'm resolving to change in 2010...

1. Lose the *gulp* six pounds I gained this holiday season. I promise to never again stand at my kitchen counter and devour 1800 calories of Costco lobster spread and  stale baguette while the Say Yes to the Dress Christmas marathon blares in the family room.

2. Refuse to even crack a smile the next time my husband makes a Jersey Shore joke when the words "The Situation" are used in normal conversation.

3. To start jogging at least three times a week in preparation for the Huntington Beach Superbowl Sunday 5K.  Related Resolution: Stop letting the kids use my unused Bosu ball as a trampoline.

4. Resist making multiple embarrassing references about Lisa's dating past during my Matron of Honor speech at her wedding next month. And make sure to get official MOH dress properly fitted so that my cleavage is not the main attraction at the reception. Related resolution: To control urges to repeatedly request Lady GaGa songs while intoxicated.

5. To try to figure out a better cursing system since my five year old seems to have developed an affinity for spelling.  Damn you California public school system!  I was counting on your low ranking to buy me at least another year.  What the F-*-C-K?

LISA'S RESOLUTIONS GOALS:

I've never been the kind to make a vow on New Year's Eve that I'll do "this" or "that" the following year. That's probably because every year my resolution would've pretty much been the same.

FIND A MAN Or: Related Resolution: Find a man that's not a jerk. Or: Related Resolution: Find a man who's not AS MUCH OF a jerk as the last. Or Related Resolution: Find a decent vibrator.

Well, now that I'm proud to report I've not only found a great man but he can also confidently co-exist in the same house with certain said paraphernelia, I'm in a resolution kind of mood.

1. Lose five pounds. Damn you, Knot.com! You just won't back off. You keep sending me emails that the wedding is less than two months away (BTW- I know that!) and that I'd better get. in. shape.  I can't help that during the holidays I gave into that extra piece of pie or that, er, third helping of mashed potatoes because I knew my big, bulky, Midwestern sweaters would hide the weight! Related Resolution: Simply stop eating meat and potatoes for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

2. Stop wearing sweatpants and bulky socks to bed. I preface this by saying that it's 15 degrees DURING THE DAY here. Don't even talk to me about the night. But, yes we have a heater and a humidifier. (I only just learned what the latter was). So, there's really no excuse for how incredibly unsexy I've been this winter (sorry honey!). So, in the words of Justin Timberlake, I vow to bring sexy back! (Or at the very least to lose the socks)!  Related Resolution: Stop canceling on my bi-weekly wax appointment!

3. Stop buying cute winter clothes. I can't help it. When it's cold as balls and you're face is red and your skin is dry, you at least want to dress in a cute outfit to try to offset all the winter-induced ugliness. This California girl used to happily live in a world where UGGS were worn only on nights that dipped below 60 degrees.  So once she discovered the many, many styles of cute boots and coats, it was ovuh.

4. Get over my burning desire to do the Macarana at my wedding. Matt's said it won't be funny. My mom threw her arms up in disgust. Even Liz gave me the eye.  So, I know I can't tell my DJ to play it now because it won't be any fun to do the dance by myself. But I refuse to give up Bel Biv Divoe, Rob Base or Shout! (Yeah, you read that right!) Related Resolution: Keep Liz from the DJ so she can't request Lady GaGa. Nothing ruins a buzz faster than her rendition of Paparazzi!

HAPPY NEW YEAR From Chick Lit is not Dead!  Now, tell us- what are your 2010 resolutions?

xoxo,

Liz & Lisa