Oh Wheat, How I Miss Thee By Lisa

Acupuncture, yoga even Feng Shui. No, I'm not talking about the hobbies of some spiritual yogi , I'm talking about me. I'm not sure exactly how it happened, but I've recently turned into a sage burning, crystal buying, lavender spraying, wheat free eating, universe asking optimist!

I've even *gasp* meditated!

Me. Lisa Steinke, er, Dannenfeldt. She who used to be, well, a lot more intense and would have never thought she could lie still for five seconds, let alone five minutes. But there is one problem I have as I lie on my blue mat, arms outstretched, breathing in and out.  I can't seem to keep my mind from wandering. And no matter how hard I try, one thought keeps creeping in. No, not Josh Duhamel without a shirt on. Or my baffling girl crush on Kara DioGuardi.

I keep thinking about...

WHEAT!

And even with my new "zen-itude", it's hard to remain peaceful and calm and focused on your freakin' breath when you're slowly but surely STARVING TO DEATH on your new gluten and wheat-free diet.

And I can be one angry bee-yotch when I'm hungry.  And there ain't a crystal or a lavender tea on this planet that can save anyone in my path when I haven't eaten. (Sorry, honey!)

Because, P.S., EVERYTHING has wheat in it. Everything.

Which you don't realize until You. Cannot. Have. It.

Want a hamburger? Sor-ry. The bun isn't in compliance.

Craving a sandwich? Oh well. That would require bread.

Want pasta? Too bad. Unless you want RICE spaghetti. YUM-ME!

And don't even get me started on going out to eat. Um, waiter, I'd like the tuna fish sandwich, hold the bread and mayonnaise please. (Yup, it's in mayo too).  Woo, hoo!

So why am I putting myself through this wheat-free hell if it's so, well, hellish? Because I do feel better. And I am starting to find things that I can consume other than fruits and vegetables (if I even look at another banana I might hurt someone). I've discovered wheat-free a.k.a. "rice" tortillas that I make with rice cheese (um, yeah, I don't do dairy either) and black beans (no wheat in those!). Ooh, how exciting! A tortilla-free, cheese free quesadilla!

But did I mention my skin looks great?

Namaste!

xoxo, Lisa

Team Blonde or Team Brunette? By Lisa

I have a girl crush on Fergie. The post-blonde Fergie, that is.

The *brunette* Fergie.

Fergie wasn't even a blip on my girl crush radar when she was blonde (except when I'd see a picture of her in US Weekly, on the arm of her tall drink of man water, Josh Duhamel).

Before I continue, let us take a Josh Duhamel moment. Ahhhhhhhh.

So I suppose I haven't payed much attention to the blonde Fergie because if I'm going to kiss a girl, I'd prefer she be a brunette one.

The "new" and if I may, "improved" Fergie caught my eye on the A.I. finale. As she was dancing and singing with The Black Eyed Peas to "Boom Boom Pow", I began to see her in a new way. What was it? Why was I so drawn to her performance? I mean, the song was catchy, but I was NOT looking at will.i.am!

Then it hit me.

It was the hair. She was brunette-a-licious! (Sorry, couldn't resist.)

I immediately texted Matt who texted back, "Who?" (Guess he's into blondes :) )

Then I had a radical thought.

Maybe I'd switch teams and dye my hair brown too!

And it wouldn't be the first time...

Ok, so I'm going to lose a little bit of my blonde cred with all my blondie homies out there, but it's time to admit that I did cross over--once.

I dyed my hair brown. And I liked it.

I felt sexier. Edgier. Good different.

Back then, I was pretty daring with my 'dos. I had stripes, (yes, stripes--AT Liz's wedding) I had The Rachel, (which unfortunately looked a lot more like The Carol Brady) and The Gwyneth.  But my personal favorite was The Rocky. I bleached my hair white, cut it as short as Brigitte Nielsen in Rocky IV and spent all my time with a friend with even shorter hair.  Needless to say, most people thought we were a really cute lesbian couple! (Note to self: probably not a good way to meet men! Or women who look like Fergie!)

So, after I "went brown", I felt like "the evil twin", "the bad girl" and "the mysterious stranger" all wrapped up into one!  There was something about the new color that made me feel daring- and gave me 'tude. I went out to clubs! I wore red lipstick! I even bought black leather pants! (Even when I had stripes in my hair, my wildest outfit was  mom jeans and a half-top. So this was big for me!)

And now, more years than I want to admit later...after playing it safe with my long, blonde hair, (with the exception of a few daring moments when I "cut layers"-ooooh!)... I thought I was ready to take another walk on the dark side.

And it was time to tell someone my plan!

In hindsight, I guess it shouldn't have been one of my blonde friends. And this particular blondie *who shall remain nameless * (but you know who you are!!! ), gasped in horror at my idea! (Talk about a buzz kill...)

BLONDE NAMELESS FRIEND: No way! You're a blonde and you will remain true to your *cough* roots!

ME: But...lots of blondes do it. Jessica Simpson. Cameron Diaz. Nicole Richie...

BLONDE NAMELESS FRIEND: And are any of them still brunette?

ME: Point taken. Ugh.

My dreams of channeling my inner Fergie deflated, I went home and looked in the mirror.  Going brown would be fun for a couple of weeks, but the process of getting back to blonde would f***ing suck.  I wasn't going to look as good in black (the only color I own!) and would I really have as much fun? (I'm over 35 now, I can't afford to take chances!)

So in the end, I decided NOT to dye (Special shout out to nameless blonde friend-- I hope you're f***ing happy!)

Because at the end of the day, you can take the blonde out of the girl, but you can't take the girl out of the blonde.

xoxo

State of the Union by Liz

I'm not a super political person so my friends might find the fact that I'm giving a State of the Union pretty damn funny.  However, I think it was almost impossible not to feel passionate about the electoral process this past year!  But don't worry, I'm not going to bore you with the State of that Union.  Rather, I'm going to be talking about the State of my union! And like Lisa, I struggled with what to write in my first entry on this blog.  I feel like I'm being introduced to the world and anyone who knows me would agree that the people pleaser part of me really, really wants your approval...

So in an effort to help you get to know me better and in the spirit of politics,  I've compiled a list of what I'm "For" and what I'm "Against".

Liz is for:  Teeny bopper movies, cute scarves on cold, rainy days, The Biggest Loser, hot sourdough bread with butter, Facebook, Perez Hilton, tall men (I married one), sushi, the environment, inner beauty, Reese Witherspoon, Angelina Jolie, Dogs, Macs, Angels, forgiveness, family, H&M, ANTM, The Haitan guy from Heroes, Josh Duhamel(broke my heart when he married Fergie!), Access Hollywood, self-awareness, American Idol and using the F word when appropriate.

Liz is against:  Evites (Sorry if you've recently sent me one...), MySpace, TMZ, Tyra Banks, Elizabeth Hasselback, short men with Napoleon complexes, (sorry about that too!) reptiles, motorcycles, passive-aggressive behavior, tardiness, PCs, The Wiggles, Spongebob Squarepants, bickering, laziness, grudges and hypocrisy.(Or is it hypocritical to be against hypocrisy?)

As Lisa mentioned previously, we started this site because we want the publishing world to know that Chick Lit is alive and well!  Let's face it ladies-we are supposed to be everything to everyone-supermom, superwife, super-employee and do it all while looking super-hot.  So when I'm done being trying to be all those things, the last thing I want to do is sit down and read some depressing Oprah's Book Club shit! Sorry Ms. O, I love you, but I gave up on the book club after The Poisonwood Bible many years ago. If  I want to cry I'll turn on the eleven o'clock news or Dateline!

The women I know and love want to escape and be lost in a story about people they can relate to!  That is why we decided to write I'll Have Who She's Having.  We wanted to read about characters that we would want to be friends with.  Most people can relate to Kate and Kelly, the two sisters depicted in our novel.  Kelly is a new mom who decides to quit her job and stay home and struggles to fit in to her new life and snobby neighbors.  Kate is single, recently dumped and struggling to figure out why all the men in her life are afraid to commit, not realizing that she's looking in all the wrong places. Like many of us, both Kate and Kelly are struggling to find their happy ending!

So let's say it loud and proud! Give women QUALITY movies and books to choose from! Make 2009 is the year of Chick lit!  Happy endings and hot men for everyone! All self-proclaimed "bad-boys" will be tamed by the women who want to change them!  All men will leave the beautiful, mean girl for the mousy underdog!  I mean, come on, with everything going on in the world these days, don't we all deserve a happy ending now and then?

Yes, damnit, you do!  And we're going to give it to you!