Study Guide by Liz

Get a colonoscopy. Listen to Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears discuss world politics.

Be a contestant on Survivor.

*rings buzzer* What are "Things Liz would rather do than study?"

DING DING DING DING DING!  YOU ARE CORRECT!

I've never been the "studious" type.  In fact, and I've never really been a "details" type of girl and well, quite frankly, cramming really cramps my style.

So you may find it funny that I pursued a career in an industry where constant learning in essential and testing your knowledge is a common occurence.  But somehow, I always found a way to make it work...Until I had kids.

I had always thought it was a myth that you can't remember shit after having children. Um, yeah. I couldn't have been more wrong.  Since giving birth to mine, I can barely remember where my keys are each day, let alone memorize the statistical analysis of seven clinical trials.  In fact, I spent twenty minutes frantically searching for my bluetooth last week, only to find it...on my ear. And the only thing I seem to be able to remember these day is who won last week's elimination challenge on Top Chef and the plotline for Grey's Anatomy.

Not to mention the fact that all this haphazard studying makes me feel like I've boarded a time machine and traveled to...1994. Like I'm pulling an all-nighter in the Cal Poly library so I can flirt with that cute boy from Communication 101 (Because really, is there any other reason to pull an all-nighter?) and attempting in vain to figure out how the f*ck to work the Lexis Nexis. Yeah, you heard me right, Lexis Nexis.  I've just officially  admitted that I attended college before internet was available.  Back then, we were so looking forward to seeing what that "Information Superhighway" was all about.  And the only way to research a paper was to actually open a book. *insert dinosaur jokes here*

Back then, my biggest worry was what I would wear to that night's sorority mixer or what drink wouldn't make me throw up on the way home in Marty Mazda .  So, because  I just can't  get Whatta Man by Salt N Pepa out of my head, I've decided to take a break from memorizing P values and take a leisurely stroll down memory lane...Care to join me?

LIZ'S MUST LIST...FROM 1994

1. Brown-braided belt with polo shirt with penny loafers

Why Lisa and I felt the need to deny any and all sex appeal in order to channel our inner-male with this ensemble will always baffle me.  And I think we actually put a penny in our loafers.  Gag!  To this day, I still can't shake my aversion for collared shirts.  NEVUH AGAIN, I SAY!

2. The soundtrack to The Bodyguard

I don't want to call anyone out(Lisa) but someone(Lisa) REALLY liked this soundtrack.  And that someone would sing it very loudly, as if they were channeling Whitney Houston herself.  ALOT.  Okay, okay, maybe I sang with her.  Sometimes.

3.  Gas for $1.09 and homes for $119,000

Do you think they'll let me fill up my time machine before I head home?  Or just stay and make an offer on that place I've had my eye on?  Because I'd be willing to tolerate scrunchies and the rise of the Spice Girls again if it meant I could have affordable housing!

4. Bobby McGee's

If you needed to find me on any given Thursday, Friday or Saturday, I'd be here in my shortest skort doing the poor-man's electric slide or shaking my ass to the Macarena.  And I used to wonder why I was single?

5.  The "Rachel" haircut

Oh, how I wanted this haircut.  In fact, "The Rachel" is the whole reason I got off my ass and learned how to straighten my hair.  Because although the 80's were kind to those of us who were follically challenged, the nineties had no such patience. Unfortunately, I never did quite perfect my "Rachel", prompting others to refer to it as the "Rochelle", her slightly frizzy second cousin.

What was your Must List in the nineties?

xoxo, Liz

Alma Mater Matters by Liz

Who says you can't go back?

Lisa and I were honored to be recognized last week by our Alma Mater, Cal Poly Pomona as part of the Golden Leaves library program. We were proud to be included with many other distinguished alumni authors!

We were told to prepare a little something to say, but with Lisa was out of town,   my limited public speaking skills and I were left to fend for ourselves. So I put on my naughty librarian suit and dragged my husband along to take pictures.  And as we walked through the newly remodeled Library, I tried in vain to remember spending time in there as a coed.  But besides recalling one all-night study session with someone I was crushing on and an odd Lexis-Nexis flashback , I couldn't even remember checking out a book!  My husband was very perplexed by this.  How did I graduate?  And I told him that I did what I always do.

I winged it!

That's right, people.  I don't like to over-prepare.  Outline, schmoutline!  Test?  Let's skim the material and see what sticks.  Giving a speech at the library for published alumni authors?  Just get up there and see what comes to mind!

And so that's what I did.  I told myself not to be intimidated that I'll Have Who She's Having was sitting on a table next to In Sputnick's Shadow: The President's Science Advisory Committee and Cold War America.   Or that the lady before me was reading about Chaucer.  Or the fact that the Dean of the Library kept talking about pedagogy and I had no idea what that was.

When my name was called, I took a deep breath and made sure I had appropriate cleavage showing. Don't judge, I was just playing to my strengths.  And what I may be lacking in vocabulary, I make up for in boobs!

Then I sauntered up to the podium and told them about our journey to publication.  How every agent out there, said, Like this manuscript a lot but sorry, Chick lit is dead, maybe take out some pop culture references and call it Women's fiction?...That Lisa and I looked around at all our educated women friends that were DYING for a good book with a happy ending and said SCREW THAT!  CHICK LIT IS ALIVE AND WELL!  That's right, I told them.  Get ready people, because women want to read GOOD books about other women.  And we want movies made from these books!  And no, we won't call it Women's fiction so you can feel better about reading it!  IT'S CHICK LIT, DAMNIT!

Okay, so maybe I didn't say it quite like that.  But I did say screw.  And crap.  But not f*ck. I didn't think it would be cool to drop an F bomb when the President of the University was sitting five feet in front of me.

And then, because I hadn't really um, *cough*, prepared, I just starting saying stuff.  I  told them that sometimes my brain likes to go on vacation. And when my brain packs up and heads out on vacation, it doesn't want to read about someone's kid dying or molecular biology. My brain wants to have a margarita, a happy ending and some chips with guacamole.  In that order.

And after that, I proudly held up I'll Have Who She's Having and said they should pick up a copy if their brain wants a vacation too!

And while I'm sure that some in that room just dismissed me as a dumb blonde with a fluffy book, there were others who came up to me after and told me they agreed.  And in that moment, I knew that I made the right choice to take a stand for Chick lit. To show them who I really am...

A thirty-something girl with too much shit going on that sometimes just wants a good book and a glass of wine.  Oh, and liposuction.  But that can wait.  For now I'll take the wine and book.

xoxo