Mommy Monday: Mommy is tired!

Remember the days you thought 7am was oh-so early? When you used to spend all day Sunday on the couch watching VH1?

I used to think I knew what being tired felt like-something I could cure by sleeping in until noon the next day or adding an extra shot to my Americano. But then I started having children.  And I've been tired in some capacity ever since!

And it's not just me.  Everyone around me with kids under five just seem like they would happily curl up into a ball and take a catnap if given the chance. And all the B12 in the world doesn't seem to make it any better.  Believe me, I've tried the shot in my ass, the pill and even that new nasal B12.  And I'm still f*cking tired!

My now three-year-old didn't sleep AT ALL the first year and I used to walk around like a zombie, wearing my exhaustion like a badge of honor, daring anyone within fifty feet to try to compete with my tiredness.  I quickly discovered that  long-term sleep deprivation made me a humorless beyotch with bad skin.

Had to wake up at 6am to make it to Yogalates? Boo F'ing Hoo!

Stayed out too late with the girls and had to recover by watching SATC on TBS for four hours straight the next day? I'm hatin' on you just a little bit.

Anytime anyone over the age of ten gets to take a daytime nap? Super. Insanely. Jealous.

And even though most nights my munchkins now sleep peacefully, (although sadly WILL NOT sleep past 6am, no matter how late we keep them up) I still find myself tired most of the time.  Not the bone-aching, mind-numbing newborn baby tired, but more like a constant feeling like I'd like to stop whatever I'm doing and go lie in bed. Which btw, is a very impractical thought when you're in the middle of a presentation at work.  Or in the middle of a conversation with, well, ANYONE!

And while I recognize that heading out for a jog or spending some time at the gym would help this problem, I just can't seem to find the time or motivation to drag myself there.  The thought of waking up at 4am to go the the gym makes me want to take a free weight and punch the person in the face who suggested it.  Or wrap them up in a Pilates mat and roll them down a hill. Or use them as my kickboxing class punching bag.

And don't even get me started on that research that claims you need to get at least seven and a half hours of sleep each night in order to lose weight.  Another strike against any mommy trying desperately to take off those last eight pounds. Clearly a man came up with that sh*t!

So until I reach that promised land where my children are able to wake up and get dressed without parental assistance, I will remain slightly tired at all times. And I'd like to give Lisa a big shout out for enduring MANY early morning bitchface emails from me! Sorry!  I should be banned from any forms of communication besides grunting before 7am.

So to all you tired mommies out there, this one's for you.  Let's band together in our slight everyday crankiness.  Tired Mommies Unite!

And for those of you who think this post is kinda bitchy, sorry! I was super tired when I wrote it. =)  To make it up to you, I'm giving away a SIGNED copy of Emily Giffin's latest release, Heart of The Matter. Leave a comment to be entered!

xoxo, Liz

Study Guide by Liz

Get a colonoscopy. Listen to Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears discuss world politics.

Be a contestant on Survivor.

*rings buzzer* What are "Things Liz would rather do than study?"

DING DING DING DING DING!  YOU ARE CORRECT!

I've never been the "studious" type.  In fact, and I've never really been a "details" type of girl and well, quite frankly, cramming really cramps my style.

So you may find it funny that I pursued a career in an industry where constant learning in essential and testing your knowledge is a common occurence.  But somehow, I always found a way to make it work...Until I had kids.

I had always thought it was a myth that you can't remember shit after having children. Um, yeah. I couldn't have been more wrong.  Since giving birth to mine, I can barely remember where my keys are each day, let alone memorize the statistical analysis of seven clinical trials.  In fact, I spent twenty minutes frantically searching for my bluetooth last week, only to find it...on my ear. And the only thing I seem to be able to remember these day is who won last week's elimination challenge on Top Chef and the plotline for Grey's Anatomy.

Not to mention the fact that all this haphazard studying makes me feel like I've boarded a time machine and traveled to...1994. Like I'm pulling an all-nighter in the Cal Poly library so I can flirt with that cute boy from Communication 101 (Because really, is there any other reason to pull an all-nighter?) and attempting in vain to figure out how the f*ck to work the Lexis Nexis. Yeah, you heard me right, Lexis Nexis.  I've just officially  admitted that I attended college before internet was available.  Back then, we were so looking forward to seeing what that "Information Superhighway" was all about.  And the only way to research a paper was to actually open a book. *insert dinosaur jokes here*

Back then, my biggest worry was what I would wear to that night's sorority mixer or what drink wouldn't make me throw up on the way home in Marty Mazda .  So, because  I just can't  get Whatta Man by Salt N Pepa out of my head, I've decided to take a break from memorizing P values and take a leisurely stroll down memory lane...Care to join me?

LIZ'S MUST LIST...FROM 1994

1. Brown-braided belt with polo shirt with penny loafers

Why Lisa and I felt the need to deny any and all sex appeal in order to channel our inner-male with this ensemble will always baffle me.  And I think we actually put a penny in our loafers.  Gag!  To this day, I still can't shake my aversion for collared shirts.  NEVUH AGAIN, I SAY!

2. The soundtrack to The Bodyguard

I don't want to call anyone out(Lisa) but someone(Lisa) REALLY liked this soundtrack.  And that someone would sing it very loudly, as if they were channeling Whitney Houston herself.  ALOT.  Okay, okay, maybe I sang with her.  Sometimes.

3.  Gas for $1.09 and homes for $119,000

Do you think they'll let me fill up my time machine before I head home?  Or just stay and make an offer on that place I've had my eye on?  Because I'd be willing to tolerate scrunchies and the rise of the Spice Girls again if it meant I could have affordable housing!

4. Bobby McGee's

If you needed to find me on any given Thursday, Friday or Saturday, I'd be here in my shortest skort doing the poor-man's electric slide or shaking my ass to the Macarena.  And I used to wonder why I was single?

5.  The "Rachel" haircut

Oh, how I wanted this haircut.  In fact, "The Rachel" is the whole reason I got off my ass and learned how to straighten my hair.  Because although the 80's were kind to those of us who were follically challenged, the nineties had no such patience. Unfortunately, I never did quite perfect my "Rachel", prompting others to refer to it as the "Rochelle", her slightly frizzy second cousin.

What was your Must List in the nineties?

xoxo, Liz