Watch This, Not That: Summer Edition by Liz

Summer's finally here and I'm looking forward to all the things that come along with it. Like beach bonfires, BBQs and...all kinds of TV shows that weren't good enough for the regular season! Remember back in the day when the only thing on in the summer were reruns of all your favorite shows?  But then the powers that be realized that viewers were so desperate for fresh programming in July that they'd watch just about anything!  And so the summer season was born...

I'll admit that I've grown rather fond of many summer substandard shows. (Um, is this where I admit that I'm a closet Big Brother fan?)  And I always cheer just a little bit when one of my summer crushes graduates to the bigtime, aka the fall season schedule. (Bravo SYTYCD and Dancing with the Stars!)

And this summer is no exception with it's choices of gluttonous reality TV.  And lucky for you, I'm here to navigate y'all through what's trashy in a good way to what's just trash.

WATCH THIS!

Losing it with Jillian I ran into this show by accident last week and thought I couldn't stand the thought of one more minute of Jillian's workouts, which usually consist of screaming and dramatic speeches about people healing from the inside.  But I was soon mesmerized by her heartfelt attempt to help an obese mom and dad lose weight in time for their daughter's wedding.  And I cried like a baby when Jillian gave her lameass, overly dramatic, camera too close to her face speech.  Against my better judgment, I'm season passing this one.

Wipeout What does it say about me that I LOVE LOVE LOVE to watch people eat sh*t on the big red balls?  I tried to tell myself that it was my crush on John Henson(dating all the way back to his days on Talk Soup) that kept me coming back for more.  But then I finally came to the realization that watching these people make asses out of themselves just makes me happy after a long day.  Don't judge.

NOT THAT!

The Bachelorette I've got to throw out the disclaimer that I actually watch this show religiously every week(so many facebook status opportunities! I can't control myself!) and have been a huge fan since the day Trista gave out her first rose. But this season can be, um, well, SLIGHTLY UNWATCHABLE at times. Between the wrestler, the James Spader wannabe and the questionable sexual orientation of the weatherman, I find myself rolling my eyes much more than usual. (And that's saying a lot people!)  And please someone tell me why we can't get through an episode without one of these guys crying a river.  It's making me want to take a torch and burn the rest of Ali's roses. (Or her hair extensions-WTF with those?)

True Beauty Another show that I'm beginning to have a love/hate relationship with.  Something about the horribly obnoxious and shallow contestants (who think their competing to be the "face of Las Vegas" but are really being judged on their inner beauty) is both repulsive and addicting at the same time.  But either way, I'm always wondering the same thing: Where the hell do they find these people? And I can never tell if it's my desperation to watch something new or actual humor that makes host Carson Kressly's quips funny.  Either way, I have a feeling that True Beauty will be gathering dust in my Tivo this summer.

Honorable NOT THAT mention: Minute to Win it is so incredibly lame that I refuse to write more than one sentence about it-you'll just have to trust me on this one.

What are YOU watching this summer?

xoxo, Liz

Watch this, Not That: Liz's Guilty Pleasures Edition

When it comes to my television watching habits, I tend to have a split personality.  Because there are two versions of Couch potato Liz: The one who's drinking ice water and watching quality TV with her husband and the one who is shoving down handfuls of M&M's while watching that trashy TV we all love to hate. So on this edition of Watch this, Not that, I thought I'd come out of the closet and celebrate my Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde  TV watching self.  That I would declare my love for my ridiculous shows so I no longer have to hit the "exit" button when my husband returns unexpectedly to the family room after he swore he was going to bed.   So I don't have to hide my head in shame when my trashy TV is hogging all the memory on our TiVo, causing it to erase the kid's PBS shows.  And lastly, to give all of you other secret bad TV watchers a soft place to fall.

I'll even entice you into telling me your dirty TV watching secrets by giving away two signed copies of Jennifer Ross's delicious debut novel, The Icing on the Cupcake. It's a great story AND has an awesome recipe at the end of each chapter. Just leave a comment to be entered!

WHEN THE HUSBAND IS AROUND, I WATCH THIS:

SURVIVOR While I'm sure some of you may argue if this should be considered quality TV, you have to admit that Survivor is the grandaddy of all reality TV shows, paving the way for copycats like Joe Millionaire(what ever happened to that guy, anyway?) and Big Brother.  A diehard fan since the first season, Jeff Probst's arrogant, irritating narrative during each challenge, his leading questions during tribal council and that whole The Tribe has spoken thing just never gets old for me.  And with villains like Russell, I think this season's better than ever!

CHUCK I think I've always secretly had a thing for lanky nerd types-at least when it comes to my TV watching preferences. (Why the hell else would I have ever watched The Big Bang Theory?)  And this sweet show about a computer geek who's life is turned upside down when he has a CIA computer downloaded into his brain seems to have finally hit it's stride in it's third season. The best part?  It has enough action (And a smoking hot blonde!) to entice your man to watch it but at the core is just an adorable love story about a guy who's in love with a girl who's completely out of his league.

MY SECRET GUILTY PLEASURES:

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW JERSEY Sometimes I actually feel my IQ dropping as I take in the antics of my favorite Garden State Housewives. Announcing that watching another minute would makes his eyes bleed, my husband declared this show unwatchable early on in season one.  Typical that a man can't appreciate a good table-flipping or tell-all book!There's something about tough-talking Caroline and the clueless Teresa that makes me both LOL and feel a little nauseous at the same time.  Like I'm just holding my breath and praying that they aren't really like this.  But either way, I know I won't be able to turn the channel when season two begins May 3rd.

90210 I'm the first to admit that the only reason I gave this show a chance was because of my devotion to it's predecessor.  But unlike it's unwatchable updated cousin Melrose Place, the new 90210 had me at Hello. Okay, so maybe it was all the Kelly, Brenda and Donna cameos that got me on board.  But now, in it's second season, those beyotches are gone and I'm still secretly watching every week when I think no one's looking.  And considering the batch of new hotties they brought on last Fall, some(my husband in particular) may suggest that the cougar in me might be the reason I just can't say no to 90210.  But I stand by it's, um, strong story lines and um, impressive abs, um I meant acting.

What do YOU watch when no one's looking?

xoxo, Liz

Watch this, not that by Liz

As much as I love my children, I must admit there's one aspect of my pre-mommy life that I miss so much it hurts sometimes...

Sitting on the couch for hours watching bad TV.

These days I'm lucky if I can keep up with Project Runway (forget about that Models of the Runway show) and usually just have the hubs give me his dramatic reenactment of that week's Amazing Race. (Which, btw, he never quite seems to do it justice...)  My Tivo is constantly erasing my fave shows in favor of Hot Wheels, Battle Force 5 and I've had to re-prioritize my priority manager more times than I care to mention.

So, I had to learn the hard way how to become a more discerning TV watcher. And because I know many of us have the same problem, I'm happy to help ya out a bit by cutting through all the bullshit and letting you know to Watch this, not that!

Watch The Good Wife

There's a reason that EW chose The Good Wife as one of the ten best TV shows on right now. I was originally drawn to this show hoping to get my *Mr. Big* fix but ending up staying because of Julianna Marguiles. It's a story about a woman who stands by her man through a political scandal and finds herself entering the work force after staying home for fifteen years raising her two children.  The storyline is so layered, so well acted, that my stomach does a little flip each week when I see that Tivo has recorded it.  And the best part?  It's got enough criminal procedural stuff going on that your hubby won't feel like he's emasculating himself by watching it with you each week!

Watch The Millionaire Matchmaker

With less time to watch TV these days, I think this is the kind of show I miss most.  The Millionaire Matchmaker kindly runs marathons constantly, just begging you to sit your lazy ass on the couch and watch as Matchmaker Patti cuts through any and all BS. She. Is. Genius. From the way she handles the enormous millionaires' egos or catfights with a drag queen, she is fantastic.  Whether she's telling the real estate developer that cuff links are so 1987 and that his haircut channels that guy from Greatest American Hero or she's telling off an NBA player for mistreating one of her girls, she has the balls to say exactly what we're all thinking.  If you only have time for one guilty pleasure on your Tivo, I highly recommend this!

Not Cougar Town

I really wanted to like Cougar Town.  It sounded right up my alley-alums from Scrubs, Friends and Dawson's Creek (don't judge!) and also featuring the ridiculously hot Josh Hopkins.  Not to mention the fact that, at age thirty-six, I'm *gulp* entering cougar territory myself and was hoping to relate to some of Courtney Cox's antics.  While watching the pilot, I told myself that it was just a fluke that it seemed, um, awkward and forced.  But since I was determined to become a Cougar Town fan, I gave it a few weeks to get it together.  But I then returned to discover that they were STILL trying too hard.  And while it may still have a place in my Tivo, (right next to the twelve episodes of Desperate Housewives I can't bring myself to watch) Cougar Town lost it's place in my heart.

Not Tool Academy

Wanna feel better about your own relationship?  Then Tool Academy may be right up your alley.  It's about women(and a few good men) who, in a last ditch effort to save their relationship, bring their bandana-wearing, fake tanning, cheating significant others to the Tool Academy. After spending thirty minutes with Neander-Tool, Looney-Tool and DoubleTalking-Tool, I didn't blame that girlfriend one bit for screaming I'll cut your ass! at the therapy session.  I felt like screaming too.

For those of us who loved bad boys back in the day, this show will make you squirm, remembering what it was like to date a complete DOUCHE BAG and rejoice in the fact that you pulled your head out of your ass before it was too late.  New favorite quote: You can't turn a ho into a housewife~Daniel a.k.a. Glow Stick Tool

What are YOU watching this week?

xoxo, Liz

Top Five Reasons to Embrace Your Inner Cougar By Liz & Lisa

The coug gets a bad rap. So what if she's 40-ish (40 is sooo the new 21), bleached blonde and doing all she can to fight dear 'ol mother nature!  Who gives a flying botox needle if she prefers to prey on young, hot men with stamina for days? Last time we checked, doing the naughty with someone at the height of his sexual peak was a damn good thing. We're 35 and a year over 35 respectively (36 just sounds so, well, over 35) and although not technically ready to admit we're officially cougar card carrying members, we definitely have the #1 symptom of cougarism. Our eyes have started narrowing in on the *cough* younger men out there--many of whom could be our sons. (Well, in biblical times anyway.)

So, if you're on the fence, hopefully we can persuade you that "going young" really is the new black. Here are what we consider five excellent reasons to embrace your cougar within.

#5- The Bachelorette Ladies! This is like the cougar's version of the Animal Planet. From the comfort of your own couch, you can sit back with a bowl of Pirates Booty and watch them in captivity. Forget Jillian, it's all about her prospective suitors... the young pieces of man candy who, lucky for us, LOVE to run around shirtless and drunk (such a glorious combination!) Well for most of them anyway... We're ecstatic she finally dumped Tanner P., a.k.a. the tattle tailing, foot fetish, mango toe nail polish loving freak who's older than we like anyway (30!)  So, if you haven't already, hurry up and add this guilty pleasure to your Monday night Tivo line up! (Only 5 men left and two are under 27!)  ROAR! (PS: Be on the look out this Fall for Courtney Cox's new show, Cougar Town, which will hopefully offer some yummy cougar candy!)

#4-Gossip Girl- Chuck Bass (Ed Westwick), Nate Archibald (Chace Crawford) & Dan Humphrey (Penn Badgley) Don't think about the fact these three guys are playing high school boys because, in real life, they're all over 18! (But if it makes you feel any better, their characters all just graduated and are off to college! Woo hoo!)

Chuck Bass is the resident bad boy. But even better, he's the resident rich bad boy (those hundred dollar bills just seem to make him even cuter). He's definitely the one mom warned you not to go out with which makes it all the more fun to cougar crush on him now.

Nate Archibald is the boy next door and just so damn cute. But if GG just isn't your thing (as if!) or you don't have time to add it into your television line up (more likely!), this week, you can check out Chace Crawford on the cover of People Magazine's  Summer's Hottest Bachelor issue (can we say hot in black polo much?) And soon, you can see him starring in the Footloose remake! (He replaced Zac Efron who dropped out. Lisa's not at all sad about that because she plays for Team Chace. It's Liz who crushes on Zac. See #2.) Now, we hate to point out that Chace wasn't even born when the original Footloose was released. But before you get your Hanky Pankys all in a bunch, we'd like to assure you that he's now a very respectable cougar prey age of 22. So, we feel it will be completely acceptable to lust after him as he cuts loose in an abandoned warehouse.

Dan Humphrey is the perfect blend of Chuck and Nate (if you don't count the fact that he's Gossip Girl poor). He's a little bit o' bad (had an affair with a teacher!) and a whole lot o' good (looks out for his little sister, gets good grades, blah, blah) all rolled up into one very cute (although not so tall) package.  GG is in re-runs now, so it's a perfect time for you to get caught up on all the Upper East Side drama and decide which of the three guys is your favorite. Or if you're lookin' for new bait, there's a hottie comin' on board in season three!

#3- American Idol-Kris Allen We have to admit, it took awhile before we sniffed out this cougar bait.  At first we were distracted by Adam Lambert's guyliner and Danny Gokey's sweet ballads and sad back story.  But when Kris took the stage and belted out Kanye West's "Heartless", we melted like butter on a baked potato.  And we weren't the only ones who felt that way....we'd bet our Jimmy Choos that his surprising victory was due to a cougar population explosion!  Don't ever come between a coug and her speed dial people.

#2- Zac Efron There's a reason that Liz has seen HSM 2 more times than she'd like to admit.  And it has nothing to do with her four-year old's penchant for Sharpay's pink golf cart and everything to do with her coug crush on Zac Efron. She's had a thing for him since the minute she saw him take the floor in his Wildcats uniform and wasn't at all bothered by the fact that he barely even gave Gabriella more than a peck on the cheek the entire movie! (She likes to tell herself that he was just playing hard to get.) And maybe we shouldn't even mention the fact that the soundtrack has somehow landed in her iPod's top 25 playlist?  She's always had a thing for guys who could carry a tune...even if they played for the other team! *cough* Barry Manilow!

#1- Justin Timberlake (Honorary Cougar Prey) We were almost sad to discover that he's a bit, er, older than we thought. (When did he turn 28?!) But to us, he's still an 'N Sync'er with that curly hair (although the clippers were a very good call). So, he makes our cougar cut anyway, because, well, he's freakin' JT! Who knew back when he was singing "Bye, Bye, Bye" and dating Brit Brit that he'd  break out of the boy band box and into to the d**k in a box? We definitely want to be his Motherlover!

A couple of years ago, we had a live JT cougar sighting. There he was, in the lobby of Mandalay Bay! He was wearing jorts, but it didn't matter. He can wear, or even better, NOT wear, whatever he wants. After following him (for just a few, ok, 5 minutes), our eyes wide and our tongues hanging out of our mouths, we dragged our "of age" (and just as handsome- wink, wink) men to the ticket counter to see if we could score tickets to his concert that night. Fortunately for our guys, but unfortunately for us, only the cheap seats were left. So we opted to savor our in-person sighting because there aint nothin' cheap about our JT.

So, ladies, we say, reach within and unleash the coug! Let out your inner ROAR.  Or in our case, a DOUBLE ROAR!

xoxo Liz & Lisa